Behind the spectacles: The Friend-O-Meter

Friends.

They have to be at the centre of the core of this life we live.

No really...can you imagine what your life would be like if you had no friends? And yes, I mean the real and fake ones alike. We all have those Facebook friends we keep for their trashy entertainment value and those accounts we follow on instagram just so we can snicker and wriggle our noses at them. We all also have those ones we call our 'Day 1s'...who we consider to be our ride or die hommies. 

Regardless of what rocks your boat (because, let's face it, there are those people who are just not built for deep friendships and who thrive on having surface long term acquittances or even virtual friendships), there are some ground rules (i think) we all need to come to terms with and be mindful of.

- The ones who only share their tales of woe with you:

Ever had that one friend that is always in a bad situation? Nothing ever seems to work out for that friend and it is always from one sad sorry situation to another sad sorry situation or worse. They never tell you reports of good things going on in their lives and so, because you are trying to be a good friend, you try to hold off your own good news and excitement and try to feel their pain and you find that you are constantly in a state of melancholy when you are with them. In some cases, their situation will get so pathetic that you find yourself giving and sacrificing a lit to see them through...could be financially, physically, your time, emotionally, intellectually....but you just see yourself giving and giving and giving and carrying their matter on your head. 

Be mindful of them. 

They are either looking to bring you down from you high points of self motivation, happiness and contentment, to their state of woe and sadness and unhappiness and will pile you with their problems till you are weighed down by them or they are looking to take, take and take from you till all you have is expended on helping them.

(PS: When you really put your head into it, you will find that these same people have other friends who they share tales of winning with...so in reality, their existence is really not all bleak and dark; they have just chosen you as the one to put their woe on)

- The ones who only share their tales grandeur with you:

Ever had that one friend who is always telling you of million Naira plans and deals and shopping sprees and success and beauty and the lavish life? That one friend that you never see going through a hard time...this friend seems to have all the forces of life spinning out of control in his/her favour and life seems so perfect. No pain, no tears, no struggle....just a smooth beautiful life filled with only moments of grandeur. When you are with them, you feel insufficient and your problems feel magnified; you wonder if God has forgotten you and even though you try to smile and laugh with them, in your heart, you are weighed down with the thoughts of how unfair life is and how you have to be the most unlucky chap to walk the face of the earth. You start to feel like the successes in your life which really lit up your world, are not significant and sometimes, you become ashamed of being excited over such, seemingly, mundane things.

Be mindful of them.

They are either in a silent competition with you...a silent, unhealthy competition...and they want you to be blinded by the lights and color the throw in you face so that they gain some satisfaction, knowing that they have made you feel some type of way or they are out to make you feel envious, inadequate, out of place and eventually, kill your self confidence. They may even make you enter a whirl wind of trying to keep up to their standards and trying to color up your life like theirs that you end up loosing sight of the reality of your own situation and falling into distress.

(PS: when you really put your head into it, you will find that these same people are not having life that easy. They may be doing despicable things to keep up with the facade they have built or may just be lying their way to the top. In reality, their lives are not half as amazing as they make it look; they have just chosen you as the person to 'fake it' with)

True friendship shares the good and bad times; the goofy and cool times; the composed and random times. Even when a friend doesn't share every single thing with you, what is shared is a balance of good and bad, with no airs whatsoever.