"Yankee" Husbands: A Blessing or a Curse - By Peppy

The number of Nigerian girls getting married to Nigerian men resident outside the country, "Yankee", is steadily increasing. This is not a surprise as most Nigerian mothers whose sons are in "Yankee" constantly urge them to come home and take a wife when they come of marriageable age. The reason for this is for these sons not to lose their heritage or forget where they are coming from and to ensure that grandchildren are thoroughly grounded in the Nigerian traditional respect system. Some families see it as a good fortune when their daughter gets married to "an overseas husband", others are indifferent.

A lot of stories have been told of girls who got married to these "yankee" men and "janded" with their new husbands, only to realise, on getting to their new home country, that such men had married white women for green cards or had birthed children and this information wasn't disclosed before marriage. Some others get married and become Nigerian wives and baby factories while the husband travels back alone to continue his life. The only evidence of their marriage is monthly cheques and periodic conjugal visits.

This and many more complex issues arising from such unions begs the question; "Yankee" husbands, a blessing or a curse?

A female acquaintance of mine met a guy based in USA online. They got along, the guy came back, they met and started dating, 4 weeks later they were engaged. They planned their wedding for 2 months and got married exactly 3 months from their first meeting. In her own words "He was her prince from the cinderella story. He didn't even touch her once till they got married. Her God sent husband". She didn't mind using up her savings to ensure she had her dream wedding. After their wedding, it didn't take too long for her to get her papers and travel to live with her heart throb. Her family threw her a send forth party. 

On getting to U.S, she found out the guy didn't really have a job. In addition to that, he was impotent i.e. his thing was not working at all. She broke down in tears and the guy told her it was okay. That since she was a nurse, she would take some exams and soon be able to get a job to support them, and they will adopt a child whenever she was ready. Because she wasn't ready to face ridicules back home, she reluctantly accepted. Some months later, she got a good job and things were fine for a while. Then the husband developed an expensive lifestyle and became abusive. He would beat her up whenever she refused to give him money. She summoned up courage to report the abuse and file for a divorce. 3 months later, they were legally divorced. After 18months of marriage to her "prince charming". She's 24 years old.

Another female acquaintance, a medical doctor, got married to an Australian based guy. They dated for 2 years before getting married though they only ever met twice. They were linked up by the guy's sister. After their wedding, her husband told her she would stay for 1 year in Nigeria before coming to join him. She would use this time to write some medical exams that would enable her to get a job as soon as she comes. She reluctantly accepted. 4 years later, she's still in Enugu with 2 children whom she is fully responsible for. 

Last year she decided to surprise her husband and travelled to Australia without informing him. On arrival, she was greeted by his Australian wife and son. Her husband explained to his yankee wife that his Nigerian wife was his cousin who had come for a visit. Then he took her (Nigerian wife) to a room and told her he would kill her if she uttered anything contrary to what he said earlier. The Nigerian wife was too shocked for words. She boarded the next available flight back to Nigeria. A week later, her family went to return the bride price. She's 30 years old, with 2 male children. 

These are a few of the numerous examples of people I know very well who are in such "Yankee" predicaments. 

On the other hand, some of my cousins and friends have also married "Yankee" husbands and it worked out really well for them. 

This leads me to the conclusion that: The man's location is not the problem. It depends on the particular individuals involved. While some yankee guys are truly fraudulent, Nigerian girls are becoming too anxious to get married these days they jump into it carelessly and sometimes jump to their deaths directly or indirectly. 

In these examples, there were tell tale signs that all was not well. But the ladies in question chose to ignore them and follow the glitter. First lady got engaged to a man only after 1 month of meeting him. The second lady didn't know exactly what her husband was doing in Australia but she agreed to marry him anyways. 

These occurrences are not as rare as we imagine and every unmarried Nigerian girl is a potential victim. 

Marriage is not a do or die affair. It's best to be peacefully single than sorrowfully married. 

Don't be distracted by the glitter that you forget to examine the substance thoroughly.

For me, I like bolee and fish too much to consider leaving Nigeria anytime soon. Xoxo.

Thanks for reading.

~~Peppy~~