Red Monster Chronicles

Image Via the Period Store

I can't be sure if this is the story for every female but I got three friends to use a period tracking app and put up notes during their period. The following chronicle is a summary of their entries and mine, narrated through one character's thought process.

Day 0 (Day before it starts):

7am - Oh that new face wash worked a miracle. The week long battle with the mysterious acne seems to be getting won. If only I didn't poke at them so hard...now they've left blackheads all over. A trip to the drug store for new weapons for this new enemy should be an effective battle strategy.

8am - Look how attractive my breasts are...they actually look shiny and pretty. No-one will notice the madness on my face if I wear a befitting frock to let all their radiant glory show. 

4pm - Cake. Cake for dinner. It must be cake or nothing else. I will turn the world over to get cake. mmm...a soft supple red velvet one too. Cake.

Day 1:

7am - Mehn...see how pretty my face looks. I should take a selfie immediately I get dressed. This glow can't go to waste.

9am - My panties feel weird. Damn. I wore a thong today. I hope I tossed that tampon into my bag.

11am - How do I come out of this meeting now and go to the bathroom? Why couldn't this stupid period just wait a few more hours. 

4pm - Whoop di do. great day. I feel like I could go on for another 24 hours without stopping. I should go somewhere and turn up.

Day 2:

7am - Damn sunlight. Who is playing that music? Why is this one smiling this morning? The world should just end already. Today is such a horrible day.

9am - Why did I get out of bed? Who is this irritating one coming to tell me irrelevant gist now? 

10am - Ah! I forgot the pain killers. These cramps will kill me today.  I think I might faint. I can't walk. Oh my god...please let my belly not fall today. 

12 noon - I'm going home. I'm going to stay in bed all day. The pain is too much. Everyone is talking too much. Why won't they all just shut up and let me be. I can't do this. I'm going home.

Day 3:

7am - I need to call Dayo and apologise for snapping at him yesterday...he really was not out of line. why was I over reacting? 

8am - This skin tight red dress is showing off all my curves and giving me life...I'm sexy and I know it.

2pm - I don't care about this evil traffic. I am driving to yaba to eat Iya Dele's amala. It's that amala or nothing o. Or maybe I should sweet talk Kunle to buy it for me. That's it...all this my sexiness today has to work for me.

5pm - I have to call Bimpe and gist her of all the toasters I had today. I'm so sexy...damn!

Day 4:

7am - I will wear a pad today. The flow has reduced

8am - I hate pads

10am - Why do I have so much backlog from the past two days on my desk? It's almost like I didn't come to work.

4pm - Whew! What a long hard day. I don't even know how I managed.

Day 5 (Day after period):

7am - Freedom. I won't wear underwear today.

7.15am - Where did I toss that my padded bra?

8am - I should have put some vodka in my morning tea

3pm - Let me see what the boo is doing later today. Maybe he should come by. Or I could go by.

9pm - Life is beautiful...all days should be like this