Do what makes you truly happy...including marriage

I was speaking to a friend a few hours back and he shared a piece he wrote where he vented about marriage and the societal pressures to get married. Because of his choice of words and the tone of his text, I asked him if he was anti-marriage. He answered in the negative but still, it got me thinking.

There is a growing number of people who are not too keen on getting married (or at least, pretend that they are not) and that's one story. But a bigger story that I see more and more of, is that of the people who truly see marriage as the pinnacle of their existence and have no other adventurous ambitions whatsoever and the pressures they might face to be "more".

Back in university, I had this hostel mate - I can't remember her name for the life of me - who had consistently outstanding grades and we were sure she would either get a 1st class or a breezy 2.1. In conversation one evening, while we were all talking about all the ways we would take over the world, she said she wanted to open a shop in her village in Nnewi, Anambra state. Her intention was to start a fabric sales shop and she had been praying that God would would send her husband before the store so that the husband would handle the negotiations for the shop and the merchandise. She had no interest in going through all that hassle her self. 

She was married 2 months after graduation. I saw her about 3 years later at another school mate's wedding and her shop was doing very well. She had a son and her husband was running his own shops in Nnewi and Onitcha. I asked her if she would travel to Abuja for the white wedding and she said "my dear, ike ije a diro m" (I don't have the strength for trips). At that time, a part of my head felt a slight pity for her. I wondered how mundane her life must be...grew up in Anambra, schooled in anambra, married and lives in anambra, with no interest in traveling to Abuja...what a sad life. 

Now I ask myself why? What gave me the right to consider her life sad? I remember her glow when we met and how happy she seemed. I am no crystal-ball reader but even now, when I think of the last time I saw her, I picture her smile as being genuine. She chose the life she wanted and was living it happily.

The new crop of adventurous free spirits that have taken over the social and online space tend to wrinkle their noses at those who have no interests in exploring and seeing the world and I feel like that in itself, is starting to be a new type of bullying. 

So what if a person's ambition in life is to be a wife and a mother and make sure she marries a man who's income can support them all? Does that make her less of a goal-setter and achiever than someone who decides to own 4 business before turning 25? I feel like the most important thing is to make your choices, with no influence or duress, and be strong enough to stand by the consequences of whatever decision you make. 

There is no guarantee that seeing the world or getting your big financial break will prepare you for marriage; there is no rule that says your happiness will only be found when you live life on the edge and chase after ambitions that are not family centred. Your happiness indicators are determined by you and if being a housewife or early marrying man makes you happy, go right ahead and offer no apologies.