Love.Is.Not.Enough

The first time I heard those words said...sometime in 2010 I think...I looked at the person who said them and thought to myself "this your excuse to act the fool abi?" For a long time onward, these words randomly made their way from the back of my mind and made me contemplate them at the most interesting times. I eventually formed an opinion on the matter, after several experiences, thought and reading several pieces on it and it's alternate argument 'love is all that matters'. 

This morning, I saw something on instagram that brought the words to the front of my thoughts again and I figured I could share my opinion...after all, that's what my blog is for right? 

Love Is Not Enough.

And I don't mean just romantic love. I mean in everything. You could love a person in all truth and honesty and with your whole heart but your experiences, exposure, preferences and human limitations stop you from completely understanding that person's view point and ideologies. Let me attempt to paint a scenario with two siblings...the kind that have basic rivalry but love each other so much so that every onlooker knows that to mess with one is to call in the wrath of the other, in full military style. lol.

So both were brought up to understand the value of work. Both were raised to get good jobs, get married, have kids and raise their kids to study hard and get good grades and then good jobs and.....

One of these siblings starts to toy with the idea of being a creator and an entrepreneur. As with most business-owner stories, there are several failures and bad decisions and outright financial, career, psychological disasters along the way. Through a 10 year period, the siblings remain strong in their relationship...one, however, gets a good job, gets married and has kids. The other, stays struggling to chase a dream. 

See these two love each other in all entirety but where realistic input to each others life goals and journeys are concerned, they most likely will not be the advisory support that each one needs. What would sibling 2 know about balancing 3 children and job? What would sibling 1 know about risking it all to pursue a business dream? Each will take comfort knowing that love exists and will always be there but for several intents and purposes, that love will not be enough because they each need experienced advice and a support system in the same boat as they are.

Since it's valentine, let's bring it in to the concept of lovers and dating and marriages. 

I am of the opinion that as much as love is a feeling, it is first of all, a decision. You choose to love those you love. Even in a family. So based on that background, you choose to love someone and dedicate yourself to being their better half and completing them the way that they complete you. You love them, unconditionally. But what happens when you both have varying foundations in culture, religion and other things that affect the decision making process of most humans? Would you, a person brought up to abhors divorce, stay 'loving' a person who believes divorce is a go-to option once the arguments get too frequent? Would you, a person who wants to travel the world and go to countries with names you can't pronounce, stay 'loving' a person who sees planes as a death trap and travel as a waste of time? 

With the decision to love comes the decision to make huge efforts in several directions - making personal sacrifices and letting go of self for the singular reason to make the subject of your love happy, understanding your own bending limits, clear communication and more. I think the decision to love means you are prepared to make these efforts to the best of your ability and for as long as you love, you will continue to make the efforts and keep pushing.

Believing that just the emotion of love will fix everything or even thinking that saying "but I love you" will resolve every conflict or, worse yet, believing that there will be no conflicts because there is love is a delusion. 

Fall in love. Fall deeply and hopelessly in love. But surround your love with the real things that make it stand the test of time - Sacrifice, Respect, Understanding and Communication.