Behind The Spectacles: When the scales come of...

You know that feeling when you read and hear about a person and have so much respect for that person. And then you meet them...and it feels like you are being enveloped in a blanket of awesomeness. You watch them in awe and dot on their every word and say to yourself 'Damn, I want to be just like this when I am older.'

And then, as the beautiful phenomenon called 'life' happens and events unfold, you notice some uncanny statements here, some disappointing actions there; you see through a hogwash here, a manipulation there; and you start to realise that this person has pretty much, bull shitted his/her way to being 'important'. And then the respect dwindles so much so that the person actually starts to look smaller in your eyes, than they did before.

I do not know what this feeling is called but I know that it has to be one of the most devastating feelings (maybe just after the feeling of betrayed by a person you love and would give your life for). When a person you believed in and had so much genuine faith and trust in turns out to be nothing like you thought, you struggle with the pain of disappointment You try to decide if to blame yourself for having expectations in the first place or blame the person for letting you down. You know that this person is aware of the level of respect you had for them but may not be aware that the respect has dwindled, as so, even when you want to tell them off you bite your tongue and hold your words so that your new grown feeling don't show (and because you were well trained by your mother, never to say and do things to hurt a person's self esteem). You start tot count the moments till you never have to put up with them again; you make excuses not to be around them and try to occupy yourself wit justifiable things that will not involve them, just so you don't have to be around them. And if it turns out that you are, at that moment your life, stuck with them, you slowly enter a phase of disconnection from the reality they represent.

This, I think, is a devastating feeling.

I wish I had a "smart-alee" tip for dealing with it, but alas, I do not. I do, however, know that finding someone else to believe will help you move on faster from that phase of disappointment...you will be best of, if that someone you find is YOU.

Have some respect, faith and trust in YOU.