You bought a car? Great! Now 'Wash' it...

Wash:

(Nigerian Lingo)

To consciously say things to deceive a person, either with outright lies or exaggerated truths. This is usually for financial benefits, sexual benefits, to keep up with a certain image or for bragging rights.

OR

To buy food and drinks for acquittances, friends, colleagues and family, in celebration of something that is considered a success e.g. getting a new job, winning a contract or buying a car.

I once had a friend who bought a car for his girlfriend (who was, intact, a side chic, because he was married). At th time he told me this story, I didn't know he was married. According to him, it cost him 1.3 Million Naira and it was something he did without being asked (I can hear all you ladies screaming "Ah! Correct boyfriend material"...lol). Soon after he bought the car for her, they broke up.
According to him, she left a bad taste in his mouth when she demanded that the car had to be washed. She insisted on throwing a big party at a club with her friends, pop bottles of champagne and celebrate the fact that she was now the proud of owner of car - never mind that it was not exactly brand new or "tear rubber" as we Nigerians call it, or that she was still in university, with no source of income and her parents did not own a car. According to him, despite how irritated he was by her insistence, he spent another 200 thousand Naira on the party to 'Wash' the car (The way you girls are screaming "chai! see boyfriend material" is so loud...reduce your voices small biko. lol).

I have another friend (who will probably read this and kill me...lol) who borrowed money to complete the 900k he needed to buy his car. After he bought it, he still went to his office, showed off the car and asked everyone to take drinks on his tab from a shop around the office to 'Wash' his car. He called me later that day to borrow an additional 20 thousand from me to offset the bill from the shop and buy fuel in the car.

I could go on and on with stories of people who go out of their way to celebrate achievements and end up embarrasing themselves or leaving a bad taste in mouth of people who would have, otherwise, treated them with more respect.

Somewhere in my head, I can understand celebrating a job or a contract or something that actually brings income into your coffers but 'washing' a car? When people even come up and say "Ah....see your ride....oh by, you must wash am o!", I am constantly amazed at how serious they seem to be. I mean, even if you get a good deal on a car, chances are that you won't spend less than 500-600 thousand getting a good enough Nigerian used car. By the time you fix up a thing or two and work the car up to your taste, you may have spent about 800 thousand - 1 million. Then someone who calls himself/herself your friend still wants you to spend a precious extra 10k in buying drinks so you all can sit and laugh and they tell you "congrats o! your ride dey sharp." Some people actually get offended when you buy a car and do not 'Wash' it; they say things like "You no go do the needful?"

I don't understand! (for those of you that have heard me say this signature line, you know the accent...lol)

This whole 'Washing' thing, in my opinion, is so misplaced.

I think that if a person buys a car, a friend should say "Oh wow...congrats...nice ride...safe journeys in this car always o". A good friend should say "Hey, congrats. Here is 1000 to add to your fuel money".  A 'holder-hold it' type of friend should say "Oh wow...you got a car? Fab...congrats. How much did it cost? Here is half the money as support".

Ok! so the last part is wishful thinking but there are people like that in this life and if you are lucky, you meet them and they bless your life.

My point is...let us all stop putting pressure on our friends and family. The economy is already hard enough as it is...all these small small excuses we have created to drink beer and party on someone else's bill have become a real burden.