A Squatter's guide to happy squatting (Part 1)

A Squatter:

A person who is without valid accommodation (by choice or circumstance) and has to seek refuge with another. This person does not share rent or recurrent housing bills and does nt offer any negotiated or perceived benefit to the original home owner, in exchange for accommodation.

A Happy Squatter:

A squatter who is happy through the squatting period and who does not do anything to spoil to relationship with the squartee. In Very happy cases, they remain very close friends.

Most people have, at a point or other in their lives, found themselves living with someone – an old time friend, a new acquaintance, a distant relative, close family member and even a total stranger. Life tosses us loads of lemons and when those lemons leave us without a home of our own, we make a squatters’ lemonade and drink up.

I have been on both ends of the squatting line…as a squatter and the squattee…so technically, I can be an authority in this, yeah?

A lot of friendships and family relationships have gone south after a period of squatting…one persons describes the other as selfish, difficult, overbearing, dirty bla bla bla

I would like to believe that people don’t plan their lives, intending to be squatters. Life happens and circumstances take us to different levels on the life pyramid. So here is my guide (based on real life experiences and occurrences) to being a happy squatter.

But really, happy squatting though…really? Is there such a thing? I mean why will you be happy, living in the house of a person who isn’t responsible for you? And if you are happy doing it, isn’t that an indication of a deep rooted anomaly that needs to be fixed in your life?

PS: These stories are from different points in my life in which I accommodated a squatter, was a squatter or witnessed the experience of a friend who housed a squatter.

1. She had lived in the city for about 5 years. She had a sister who lived in the same city but the sister lived in a one bedroom apartment with her husband and 3 children. There was no way she could live with her sister. For over 4 years out of the 5 years, she had been staying with a friend…an old friend from secondary school who now worked with an oil company and lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. She had had been in and out of several jobs over the period and was, at that point, working. She came back from work one day and her host said “I think you need to start planning to leave. Please by month end, I want my key back”. She was shocked and angry and it became and argument. The host said she was tired of being a saint and that the squatter had deprived her of so much freedom. She said there were many things she wanted to do that she didn’t do because the squatter had been with her all this while and that she needed her space. She said she was growing old and she had realized how she had spent the past years being a mother hen to someone else and she just didn’t want to do it anymore. Month end came, the squatter still didn’t respect herself and move out, she came back one day and found that the door locks had changed. She rang the bell, the host and 2 friends opened for her and the host told her “please just pack and leave now”. She begged and said she had no place to go but the host insisted and started putting her things into bin bags and taking outside. The squatter lived in different peoples houses and hotels for over a year after that incident and told everyone who bothered to listen, how wicked her friend was.

Lesson: You are a squatter. Do not forget that. Don’t move in and start to get too comfortable. This person is doing you the favour of providing you with one of the basic human needs – accommodation. He she is not responsible for you and he/she has the right to throw you out. And if you act the fool or over stay your welcome, you run the risk of being thrown out. During your squatting period, either have a plan B (another place you can stay in case of emergency) or save up money to get your own place ASAP.

2. She practiced a religion different from mine and when she started staying with me, I got home one day to find a corner of my place (which was really just a room in a house I was sharing with other people) into a praying corner. She had also used some of my stuff to achieve this too. We hadn’t had a prior conversation and she didn’t even try to explain anything to me about the new addition to my living space or the items she had used. I got upset but I recognized it was a religious thing and forced myself to be ‘accomodating’. It upset me everyday. It affected my attitude and in effect, hers as well.

Lesson: it’s not your house and no, you not get equal housing benefits (unless you ask and get express permission). As humans we all have our tiny perks and the way we want things done and sorted and kept but when squatting, ask before you make any placement changes. don’t steal 

3. She needed a place to stay just to sort out some academic things for about a month. It was all fun and games and I was glad for the company. When she left, I started to miss things…tops, small jewelry pieces, watches…then I noticed one of my tops on her BBM display and asked “hey babe, is that my pink polo t-shirt?” she said no and I said “oh ok. It’s funny because I haven’t seen mine since you left”. And then there was silence. A while later she needed to come and stay through her service period. I would have saved her a couple hundreds of thousands in rent. I told her “sorry o, we seem to have identical things and mine may get missing after you leave. I don’t want to have to suspect you again. No vex” And then there was silence. 

Lesson: Do not steal. As a squatter, as a person….just do not steal (I will soon tell you the story of how I found out a trusted person was stealing from me)

4. I don’t know why, but through my life, most of my friends have been the same size as me. We are able to share cloths and shoes (I draw the line at underwear. I am still shocked every time I witness a pair of friends who share bras…I can’t abeg). Anyway, I used to offer her my shoes or dresses to wear out, especially if it was for an event and she was going with me (I like to have all my girls slaying on the red carpet J ). I came home from work early one day and she wasn’t home (which wasn’t strange). I made dinner and just as I was settling on my bed to eat, she came back wearing her jeans, my 1st pair of Zara shoes (which I had saved to buy that year and had only won 3 times) and my new TM silk shirt (that she took out of the pack…it was brand new). In my head, I passed out and came to like 6 times in 3 seconds. TF. Just for clarity, I asked her if that was my shirt that I bought a few days ago. And she said (in a very lackadaisical tone) “yes o. these people called me for interview. I just had to rush up something to wear”. My face must have showed my distaste or maybe it was the fact that I didn’t follow up by asking how the interview went because next thing she said was “why you dey strong face? On top ordinary shirt? no worry, I go wash am for you”. I said, “thank you. Please wash it now. And ask me before using my things.” We went on to have a small argument. She didn’t wash the shirt. I did. Two days later I got a carpenter to fix my wardrobe and put in a lock. I put all her things out of the wardrobe and locked mine in. there was no need to have a conversation.

Lesson: Don’t wear your host’s cloths or use their things without asking (or replacing it before they notice…that’s just me being real). If they are like me and like to launch their new stuff before sharing, respect that and don’t go using their new gear before them. If you use any of their things, use it delicately and return, in good and clean condition.

Read more in the next post.