Men. Go. Straight. To. The. Point
We met at a work training a few years back and kept in touch. In his defense, when we met, he made sexual advances (which I won’t describe for fear that I may emasculate him with my description of how pathetic he came across, kneeling and begging to get in ‘just the tip’.)
We didn’t see each other again for about 4 years but we chatted rather often; we talked about his advances gone wrong (with me being nice with words of course), work, random things in the news, elections…he was that guy on my BBM that I could chat with for a whole day and then go 3 months without as much as a pointless ping.
Then he started to reach out more. I found it a bit strange but didn’t think much of it. After all, by loose Nigerian lingo, he and I ‘go way back’ and there was nothing to wonder about his daily check ups. They became calls at the end of the day, sometimes at ridiculously late hours which I would miss (night time sleep is my co-joined twin). These late calls were followed by early morning calls that started with “babe, are you ok?” Brother was worried that I didn’t answer my phone at 11.47pm.
It went on for a month…two months…three months and I had to speak.
Call me old fashioned, I don’t care. When it comes to dating and wanting to be in a relationship, affair or sexually beneficial relationship with a person, I believe we should all go straight to the point…and early too.
I asked him what was going on and told him how I had noticed he was making himself a regular feature in my day. Brother (and in my head, I am pronouncing this as Broda, with the strongest wafi pidgin accent my mind can conjure) laughed and asked me what I thought was going on. I don’t like to assume so I told him I had no idea…and being me, I couldn’t resist the urge to point out that he was the one making himself feature in my life, not the other way around.
Brother called me a typical Naija girl. He accused us Naija babes of forming too much and acting oblivious when a guy is hitting on us. He told me I’m not a small girl so I should know when a man is showing interest in me and wants to take things to the next level. I let him go on for a while (because my mum taught me to let people finish speaking before I jump in and I have decided to obey my mum) and when he took a long akward pause, I said:
“Broda (in a fake Kenyan accent), (and then in my best American accent ever) I’m not a small girl. Age has made me wise enough to know that I can’t read minds. Age has brought me through different experiences and I now know that only people who do not know what they are about will talk in circles instead of giving a short, simple and direct answer. When a MAN wants to "take things to the next level", he doesn’t leave breadcrumbs and expect the lady to pick them up…that’s what boys do. When a MAN has an intention he is sure of, he goes straight to the point”.
He gave a nervous laugh and asked what I meant.
“When you are a man, I’m sure you will figure it out” (In my head, I had a mental picture of me, wearing one of father’s red caps with a feather on it)
Choiii...u should know dat men have a slow 'ego recovery mechanism'...which is y they'll do everytin to protect it at default! Me thinks a guy only asks a girl out when he is SURE she'll say yes! Otherwise he'll keep 'beating around the bush' or 'leaving clues(I choose not to use crumbs) for the female to pick (ditto our lower primates who don't speak...as far as we know)!!!
ReplyDeleteUntil he is sure she will say yes??? So in other words, you mean that men are afraid of rejection and are not able to, maybe, use a rejection as ginger to regroup and make a comeback? mmm...interesting perspective.
DeleteMake a comeback when u still not sure? Rejection is not a maybe...or gimme time to think it over!!! How many 'comebacks' will suffice? Ginger to regroup may lead to change in motives! Women are emotional beings, yes, but they heal better in the long run than most dudes from rejection! So sistah (not sure wot fake Kenyan accents sounds like), if brodah cannot talk, maybe...just maybe irris bcos u b glowing all 3 lights at d same time...or he his yet finding a way to upgrade hisself so u definitely say yes!!!
DeleteIf he is still trying to upgrade, then that's different. But if, somehow the conversation comes up and he says something as crude as "haha, can't you tell I am interested in you" then he, my dear, has opened himself up to painful rejection. Rejection is Rejection. And if he chooses not to stay in the running because he's been rejected once, so be it. If that rejection was nice and polite and friendly and he decides to let go, well, so be it.
DeleteIf the guys were to start coming straight, you ladies are gonna complain of the niggas being too forward, thats why men like to dabble first and see what reaction surfaces. Its like a businessman trying to minimise the risk of failure by studying the business. You know ladies can be extremely mean sometimes and such mean situations brings a niggas ego crashing.
ReplyDeleteTry to have a deep thinking on and then give me a range of responses you wouldve given were he to have come straight, factoring in a possible range of choice words he couldve which ladies could find untruthfully irritating and offensive.
See that's the thing...must the words be offensive? In my opinion, after a few weeks of speaking platonically with a person, a man who is it for the long haul will know if he wants to make the relationship steady. And all he really needs to do is say "I want us to be exclusive" or "Let's make this official" or any other polite variation of words that say he doesn't want to be just a friend. Starting to call a lady "boo" or "baby" or "sweety" or anything remotely resembling those does not cut it. Let's be frank...anyone can call anyone else any of these endearments and it would not mean anything real. If you want something real, you have to speak up. The matter about wanting to minimise risks doesn't even come up, in my opinion. Life itself is a risk. A man who is still at that point in his life where he is too 'afraid' to take the risk of speaking up to a girl he really wants to be with probably needs to chill and know himself a little more. Finally, (and I speak for myself alone here, because I understand that some people are just incapable of decorum and polite conversation), a man (and any human as a matter of fact) who makes an offer to date me, will only get a snide response if his choice of words are crude, his sense of timing is pathetically wrong or if we have been on the same subject for eon years. It really is a question that will either get a yes or no answer.
DeleteSo...if i may rephrase, dude needs to have proper diction, know the proper time to approach, and ultimately know when d issue of asking u out is too much!!! Wow!!! Dudes ain't mind/situation readers, which is why they beat the dust till they figure u (or any female) out! Hence, the reason why Men.Cannot.Just.Go.Straight.To.The.Point (or how it does not appear in the title)
ReplyDeleteWhere are them humors??.I understand you tobe but the thing is, men try to make a first impression that sweeps a lady off her feet and makes the option `no` hard to find on the list of options, thus driving a guy to try being humorous and when the lady doesn't grab, she starts feeling insecure and thus tries to be on the offensive.
ReplyDelete