My unintended therapy session

It was a chilly but sunny morning in North Greenwich and we were having breakfast. He made me eggs and two slices of toast and made himself a mix of left over chinese.

I don't remember what led to what but somehow, I found myself talking a marathon. I told him about one of my most recent struggles and one current anxiety. I was talking a mile a minute and he just smiled - the kind of smile that slits the eyes - and listened and laughed and asked fun questions that made me talk more.

His questions were not intrusive or mean or dark or judgemental. His questions didn't come with an undertone that would make me feel like I would get some unsolicited advice after my rant-a-thon. They were just easy cheerful questions, some of them repetitive, that made me know for sure that I had a listening ear.

I paused and then he said "I think you just needed to let all that stuff out". 

And that's when I realised that I had never spoken about this situation the way I spoke about it to him. The people I loved the most (and who I believe love me as much) had no idea of the struggle I had had; they knew some bits and pieces but they had no detail. And here I was, telling it all to a person who I had known for a while but could not exactly call a close friend. 

I went on and on and when I was done, he offered me what I later realised, was my 5th cup of soda...being more of a water drinking person, 5 cups of soda within one hour was a new record for me which I hope to never beat. I thought the sugar rush got to me because for a few seconds my head swooned. 

"Are you ok?"

I was. And then I realised that it wasn't the sugar. It was the release. My mind drifted to the time Ifeanyi, my friend, told me of his therapist and how I felt he was just being dramatic. I smiled at how little I knew and embraced the new lesson I had learnt.

"Thank you. I really needed that" I said. 

"I could tell. Now go get them"

On the 150mins train ride to Eastbourne, for the first time since November of 2015, I had a 30mins power nap that left me feeling truly powerful...my mind was free from anxiety and doubt.